2006-07-22 - 1:34 p.m.
I met Juila Orth very early in my first year at New College. We both got little notes in our mailboxes inviting us to give our opinions about the school in order to make new advertising material to promote the school. The note specifically mentioned that, yes, they wanted input for first years as well. Julia and I, and quite a few other people, showed up.
I don't remember very much of the group question-answering session, although I do remember realizing later that I was misquoted in the promotional material. Afterward, though, the photographer asked Julia and I if we would be willing to pose for pictures. We were. We went outside, to the side of College Hall facing the Bay, and the photographer asked us to talk about something, anything, as he took pictures. We were facing the Bay, he wasn't. For some reason, he wanted pictures of people talking in front of College Hall, on the really un-photogenic wheelchair ramp. We did what he wanted.
I was amazed by Julia's hair. I thought I had long, curly, frizzy but nice hair, but mine was nothing in comparison to hers. I guess she had mentioned being home-schooled during the group session, I don't recall, but we decided to talk about home-schooling as our pictures were taken. A girl in my girlscout troop had once been home-schooled, and it seemed really unsuccesful, with her mother using her as a house-keeper, and she not seeming to learn very much. In short, I was skeptical about the merits of home-schooling. Of course, Julia was an amazing advocate for it. I remember listening to her making tons of fascinating arguments; we were able to easily ignore the photographer as we talked.
It may have taken a few years, but our pictures got on a lot of the promotional material. There was a period when we were on the "send this in for more information" card, we were on the website, I think we were even on the front of one of the brochures. For some reason, in all of the pictures I am gesticulating, she is composed and quiet looking.
She was very convincing. If I ever have children, I will only put them in a school system under very specific circumstances.
We had many more interactions; we were in Hephastus's play together, she paved the way for my polyamorous relationship by introducing my future partners to having a third, we circulated in the same circles and enjoyed each other's company.
We were never extraordinarily close. She always seemed alien to me. Such optimism. Other people saw me as bubbly and optimistic, but I couldn't concieve how anyone could be as optimistic as she.
She was always so together, so directed. Often quiet, but then so joyful and free, and always completely unconcerned with looking stupid.
I want to have a future of hearing about her getting older. What compromises she made. How she improved the world. What her children were like. What she looks like with wrinkles and grey hair. What she looks like with short hair. How she dresses in a professional job.
I did not want to know that she ever learned to drive. Now I will never know any more pain of the compromises she makes living in the world. It is excruciatingly ironic that she died in a car crash, even though she wasn't personally driving.
I don't believe that the world carries intrinstic meaning, but if I did, I could not imagine WHY such caring, hopeful, resourceful person died so young. I still can't imagine why.
Julia, if anything SHOULD be true in the world, you SHOULD be alive and that beautiful vision of the future should come true. You aren't. It won't. The universe is a meaningless place.
I feel a persistant melancholy about Julia's absence.
